If you don't survive, how will I?
by Faceless Charmer
Summary: As Yuki wonders how he feels about his brother, Ayame is hurt saving him. Will Ayame survive? And if not, how will Yuki?  Ayame and Yuki brotherly love.
1. Chapter 1

**To show that Yuki really does love Ayame**

Yuki was sitting in the passenger seat of the car, and he was tired, and annoyed, and angry, because the driver is none other than his older brother, the snake, Ayame. Ayame's going on about this time when he was in high school, and did this, and did that, and blah blah blah. Yuki isn't really listening.

The only reason he agreed to go over to Ayame's for an hour or so is because Tohru practically begged him too, going on about how they needed to build a brotherly bond. And because he couldn't stand to see her so sad at his immediate denial, he went along anyway.

He is still unsure about how he feels about his older brother. Ayame really does seem to care about him now, given all the times he was there to comfort Yuki, or help in when he needed it. Like at his parent-teacher conference. If Ayame hadn't saved him then, Yuki had no doubt he would have given in to some sort of darkness. But Ayame was there. But could that really make up for the way Ayame had treated him before? Like he didn't _exsist_? How had Ayame just watched him suffer, and done _nothing_?

Suddenly a voice peirces his thoughts.

"So, what do you think of that story, my dear little brother?"

Yuki couldn't even remember what the story was about, so he just looked out the window and said, "Intresting," in a dull tone. He can tell Ayame realizes he hadn't listened at all, and he feels it hurts the snake's feelings.

"What are you thinking about Yuki?" Ayame asked, trying to sound entergetic, and again Yuki feels confused on how to respond to him. His immediate reaction is anger, and before he can take the words back, he says, "How you treated me when I was young."

The quiet that snaps into place next to him brings Yuki the effort to look at the man next to him. Ayame is staring straight ahead, his eyes bitter with pain, his jaw clenched. Yuki suddenly feels bad, and he begin to takes it back, but Ayame stops him.

"Don't apologize. You have no reason too. Its my fault."

Yuki doesn't think he heard correctly, so he says, "What?"

Ayame's eyes look like they might have tears in them, and Yuki pulls back in shock.

'Does he really suffer this much from those memories?' he wonders. The car stops and Yuki realizes they have reached their destination. Yuki gets out of the car. Seconds later, Ayame has rounded his way over to him.

"I'm so sorry Yuki. You'll never know how sorry I am."

Yuki doesn't say anything, just stares blankly at Ayame. Suddenly Ayame reaches over to hug him. Even though part of him wants the hug, his instinct reaction is to pull away from him. So Yuki stumbles back, but loses his footing on the sidewalk and falls onto the street.

He hears Ayame scream his name and the sudden screech of tires on the pavement. He tries to stumble to his feet in a last second effort to save himself, but he knows that this is the end. The truck won't be able to stop in time. He's either gonna die, or get hurt. Either way, he's getting hit by that truck. He opens his eyes. The truck thats going to kill him is only inches away. He closes his eyes again. He hears Ayame scream his name again, but he sounds closer this time.

_Nii-san. I'm sorry. I do love you._

He suddenly felt arms wrap themselves around the front of his body, like a hug. The arms wrap around him protectively, one around his back, and one around his head, and Yuki opens his eyes to see who it is.

Ayame.

"Ayame!" he gasps, but before Ayame can say anything to him they are suddenly thrown back by an incredible force. They are tossed merclessly against the street. Yuki's head hits the street harshly, but Ayame's hand blocks the blow. He hears a distinct crack. But it isn't his head. So it must be... His whole body hurt s from the impack against the street, but he pulls himself away quickly shouting, "Ayame! Are you okay?"

His older brother is still on the street, a steady flow of blood coming from the side of his head.

"Ayame!" he pleads, bending down to the still form and checking for a heartbeat. He feels a small thuding in Ayame's chest. He is aware of people screaming all around him, but Yuki doesn't respond to any of them.

"Ayame, wake up!" he pleads, trying to pull Ayame up. But Ayame doesn't move. Terrified, Yuki does nothing more than sit next to his brother, going into a trance like state as he grabs hold of Ayame's head and gently puts it in his lap, holding his hand, and trembling.

He hears an ambulance pull up, and voices telling him to let go of Ayame.

"NO!" He yells at them, swatting them away and bending over him protectively. "Don't touch him!"

People around him stare in alarm, and some are crying.

"Son, listen to me." Says a calm voice and Yuki looks up from his brother's face to the paramedics. "He's still alive son. If you let go, and if we hurry, he'll be okay.

Yuki tries to hold back a sob, but it comes through. _'He saved me.'_

"Can I ride in the same ambulance?"

"Of course."

Yuki's hands are trembling as he lets go of Ayame. He and Ayame are taken into the ambulance, and as he lies there he can hear the paramedics working on Ayame. He closes his eyes again. They'll save him, he tells himself. He'll be okay.

And a voice peirces through his thoughts. Its only a whisper, meant so he can't hear it, but rats have excellent hearing.

"He's not going to make it."

**I'll update on the next chapter soon. Stay tuned to see what happens to Ayame!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Glad that people want to know what happens to Ayame! Hope people like the next chapter!**

When Yuki woke up again, he was in a strange bed, and the room was completely white. There was a small weight in his hand, and when he looked to see what the cause was, he wasn't suprised to see that Tohru's hand was in his.

"Honda-san." he said weekly, and Tohru immediately looked up from the ground she had been staring at. "Yuki-kun! Oh thank goodness your okay!" she sobbed, tears sliding down her cheeks. Kyo was sitting in a chair pushed up against the wall. His eyes narrowed in dismay when he heard Tohru cry.

"Calm down." Kyo gently chastized. "The doctor said he's gonna be fine."

"I-I know!" Tohru weeped. "I was just so worried!"

Kyo sighed and stood up. He crossed the room to Tohru and gently laid a hand on her head. When he did, Tohru sniffled and looked up at him in suprise, but Yuki could see the light in her eyes. He adressed Yuki. "Hey, damn rat, tell her your okay."

His tone of voice suprised Yuki. He didn't sound angry, or disgusted, or contempted, or any of the usual things he sounded like when talking to his worst enemy. He just sounded like, "If you don't say your fine, she'll never stop."

_He really does love her,_ Yuki thought, and he smiled gently. _I hope in the end, they're happy. _"I'm fine Honda-san."

He began to lean back into the bed, tired again. Then suddenly the memory of the crash came back to him. Him falling, Ayame blocking him, the crash and everything and_ Oh my God where's AYAME?_

Yuki shot up out of his bed so fast that Tohru shrieked and stumbled back. "Yuki-kun, are you alright?" she asked, and Yuki looked around the room but saw no sign of his older brother. "Where's Ayame?" he asked and then asked again, this time more frenzied, "Where is Ayame!"

Tohru looked at the floor and then at Kyo, who was staring up at the ceiling as if it held the secrets to the world. When neither of them spoke Yuki intstantly began to expect the worst. "Is A-Ayame okay? Is he...is he...?" his voice was rising in panic and Tohru knew what he wanted to ask. "N-No, Ayame-san isn't dead Yuki-kun. He-he's just...badly hurt. They think...they think..." But Tohru began to sob before she could finish the sentence.

Yuki looked to Kyo, wishing someone would tell him what he wanted to hear. That Ayame was okay, and was gonna live, and he and Yuki could finally be a family. "Kyo?" he whispered, his voice ragged and broken. Kyo looked at him, his eyes soft. "They don't think he's gonna make it Yuki." Kyo gently laid a comforting hand on Yuki's shoulder, and Tohru's arms were twitching from her strong desire to give him a hug.

Yuki pulled away from Kyo, tears streaming down his face. "No. No. Your lieing." he sobbed, his legs shaking and Tohru thought he might fall. She sobbed harder at Yuki's pain and suffering, and Kyo put his hand on her head.

Suddenly Yuki shot out of the room. He could hear Kyo and Tohru shouting his name, but he didn't stop, not even when he became aware that they were following him, and Kyo was catching up fast. His blurred vision made it hard to see where he was going, and Yuki wasn't even aware which room Ayame was in, and he was aware of the attention he was getting from the patients he was running by, but he didn't care.

"Ayame!" he screamed. "Nii-san! Where are you? Ayame!"

"Stop!" a doctor shouted at him, joining the chase, along with a few more doctors and nurses. But Yuki was quick, and the only catching up to him was still Kyo. Yuki pushed past anyone in his way, throwing open the doors to random rooms, scaring the people in side as he called his older brother's name.

Suddenly a figure stepped into the hall in front of him and Yuki didn't have time to get out of the way. The figure seized him gently but tightly, and Yuki looked to see who is was.

"Haru!" he shouted, and the younger boy looked at him sadly. "Calm down Yuki. Your going to hurt yourself."

"No!" Yuki shouted, struggling to free himself from Haru's grasp. "No, Haru let me go! Please! I have to find Ayame!" Kyo, Tohru, and the staff had caught up with them, and Yuki began to get violent, thrashing around so madly that Haru had to hold on tighter.

"Calm down Yuki!" he ordered, his heart breaking for the broken boy in his arms. "Stuggling is not gonna make it easier! You'll just tire yourself out!"

Yuki could hear Tohru's sobbing again, and Kyo was moving in closer to help restrain him.

"No! No! No! Ayame! Ayame's gonna die!" Yuki shrieked, and with a burst of energy, freed himself from Haru and flung himself down the hall again. But Haru had been right about the tiring himself out, and this time Yuki was not nearly as fast, tripping and falling and running into walls, but never once did he stop.

A green neon sign caught his attention. It said, "EMERGENCY ROOM." Yuki knew that the green ment that right now there were people in there.

_'Ayame!_

Yuki threw the door open. People in masks all turned to him in surpise, but Yuki looked past them and to the figure on the cold metal table, his white hair flowing all around him. "Ayame!" he gasped. The doctors had gone back to Ayame, to busy to try and do anything about Yuki. Yuki watched them silently for a moment, trembling, vaguely aware that Tohru, Kyo, and Haru were standing next to him, silent except for the softly weeping Tohru.

They all watched for a few minutes, praying for Ayame's safety.

**Yeah, I've decided to make it a three-shot. Maybe a four-shot. We'll see, I guess. Please review and let me know what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Omg, I'm so sorry it took me so long to get around to this! First I couldn't decide weither or not I wanted to kill Ayame. So I came up with two endings, one were he did, one were he didn't, and decided which I liked better. But before I could get around to posting my choice, I got swamped with school, family, work, all kinds of stuff! But this story was always swimmering in the back of my mind. So now I'm finally getting round to posting! The next chapter will be the big climatic chapter! Does Ayame survive? Or is the rift that was slowly closing between the brothers about to swallow one brother and leave them forever apart? Find out in the next chapter of, "If you don't survive, how will I?"**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm so glad to know that people like my story! And sorry it took me so long to update, I was torn between whether or not I wanted to kill Ayame. I feel mean for making you all wait this long, so here is a cookie for everyone. *Hands out cookies***

**On with the story**!

* * *

They were not allowed to stay long, for security finally showed up and began to escort them out of there. Yuki looked like he was about to put up another struggle, but Haru gently took him by the shoulders and lead him out. Yuki didn't want to go. He wanted to stay with he didn't know if he could bear to watch him like this any longer. Still, silent, and broken. He would have to be content with the fact that he got to see him at all, and that the docters were working on him, He looked back over his shoulder at the figure on the operating table, and tears stung his eyes.

"Ayame," he said out loud, calling to his older brother as he got further and further away from him. "Nii-san, I'll be waiting!" His voice sounded choked up and Haru squeezed his shoulders in comfort. He walked silently down the hallway, Tohru, Kyo, and Haru following behind him. Tohru, trying to break the tension, asked, "Yuki-kun, are you hungry? They have a cafeteria downstairs, and I could go get you something."

Yuki wasn't hungry, but he nodded silently. Tohru smiled, glad that he was going to eat, and started off in the opposite direction of his room, which he and Haru went into alone, because Kyo had decided to go with Tohru.

Yuki climbed into his bed again, and Haru took a seat next to his bed. Yuki looked at him and said, "Haru..."

Haru cocked his head and waited for a moment, letting Yuki finish his own sentence if he could. But Yuki didn't seem able too, so Haru said, "Yeah?"

"Do you think...do you think he's...he's gonna make it?"

Haru sighed, wishing Yuki hadn't picked such an impossible question to ask. He could either say yes, then pray to God Ayame made it, or say no, and make Yuki even more depressed. So he didn't answer. He just leaned forward and pulled Yuki into a hug.

_Yuki looked around. He couldn't see anything. Black to his left, and black to his right. Black up, black down. Black infront and behind him. _

_"Hello!" he shouted, his voice echoing around him like a hollow cave. "Is anybody here?" _

_There was no answer._

_He listened hard, trying to hear anything that would prove to him he wasn't alone in this darkness. But there wasn't a sound. No noise. He was alone in the darkness. The darkness that had been with him since he was very young. Maybe even since he was born._

_The Darkness..._

_Darkness..._

_Dark..._

_Da-_

_"Yuki-kun!"_

_Yuki turned in the direction of the sound, relieved that someone else was in there with him. It was Ayame. He was standing not far from him, his hand out. _

_"Yuki, come with me."_

_Yuki tried to go to him, but his legs didn't move, wouldn't move, no matter how hard he tried to make them. Ayame was still standing there, still waiting for him, his hand out. He smiled a sweet smile that almost covered the tears that had not quite made it down his face._

_"Please, Yuki. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what we did when we were young. Please, take my hand. Please."_

_Yuki tried to open his mouth, tried to tell tell his brother that he couldn't move, but his mouth didn't open. Nothing was listening to him. So Yuki just stared at his older brother, a blank expression on his face. The only thing it closely looked like he was feeling was contempt._

_A tear had begun to slide down Ayame's face. "Yuki...you don't have to stay in the dark forever."_

_And Yuki understood. That Ayame had been trying to save him from the dark for a long time now. And he had ignored him. Like his body was forcing him to do now. Even though he wanted to go._

_Nii-san. Nii-san. Ayame. _

"Yuki-kun!"

Yuki's eyes snapped open and he looked around for the source of the voice. It was Tohru. She was looking down at him anxiously and Yuki was immediately about to ask her about Ayame, but before he could he was interrupted by an unfimiliar female voice.

"Sohma-kun. I'm your doctor, Azako Utsuho."

Yuki didn't care about his doctor. He cared about Ayame.

"Is Ayame okay?" he asked, and he, Tohru, Kyo, and Haru all closely observed her facial reactions. If she smiled, Ayame was okay. If she did anything else, he wouldn't be. Utsuho-san stared at them.

Then she sighed...and then she shook her head.

Tohru burst into tears and Kyo tried to comfort her. Haru immediately looked to Yuki, to see how he had reacted, to make sure he was okay. But Yuki just was staring straight ahead. He didn't move. Didn't talk. Didn't even cry. He just kept staring straight ahead.

"Is he still alive?" Haru asked and the doctor nodded sadly.

"Not for long. If you want to see him, you must go now."

Tohru nodded and Kyo asked for Ayame's room number. Then he lead her in the direction they had to go.

Haru looked at his older cousin. "Yuki..." he said softly, his heart breaking again for him. Yuki waited till Kyo and Tohru were out of the room, then slid of his bed. He followed behind Haru, who instinctevely grabbed his hand, hoping to comfort him. Yuki didn't protest. He didn't do much at all except follow behind until they got to the room Ayame was in.

Haru let go of his hand and pushed gently in the direction of the bed. Kyo and Tohru were already there, standing by his bedside. Yuki went to the other and looked down at his brother who-bless his soul- mustered up all his strength to smile.

"Look at who came to see me. Three princes and a princess."

"A-Ayame..." Tohru sobbed, and Ayame reached out and grabbed her hand. "It's alright pretty princess. Its gonna be okay."

"How can you say that?" Kyo asked, looking at the ground. "Your gonna die."

Ayame smiled softly at him. "You too, Kyon. Don't be sad."

Kyo was silent again and didn't meet Ayame's eyes.

Yuki hadn't said anything yet. He had just stared at his brother as he talked. But now he spoke up.

"A-Ayame." he whispered, and Ayame turned his head to him and his eyes softened and he looked crushed at Yuki's positevely devestated face.

"Yuki." he said softly, grabbing his younger brother's hand, and squeezing it softly. Yuki clenched his teeth together for a moment, then opened his mouth like he was about to say something. Then he squeezed his eyes shut tight, and shut his mouth again.

"Yuki." Ayame said again, urging his brother to look at him. But Yuki didn't open his eyes, only shook his head from side to side. Tohru let out a little sob, and Kyo began to slowly lead her out of the room. This moment was for Yuki and Ayame. Not them. And he knew how Yuki felt, to watch someone one die right in front of you. And to think its your fault.

How was he supposed to hate the damn rat now?

Haru followed behind them quietly.

When Yuki still didn't look at him, Ayame grabbed his younger brother's hand with both of his. "Yuki. Look at me."

Yuki opened his eyes, the beautiful silver orbs filled with tears. He opened his mouth to speak again, then collapsed onto the ground, crying. "Ayame. Ayame, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." His crying began to get heavier. "It's all my fault, I'm sorry!"

Ayame looked appalled and said forcefully, "Yuki, you look at me. Right now."

Yuki slowly raised his head. Ayame met his eyes.

"This is not your fault. Do you understand me?"

Yuki shook his head again, then sobbed. "You've been trying to save me. You've been holding your hand out to me all this time! And I ignored you!"

"That's my fault Yuki, because of how I acted when we were younger. It was stupid of me to expect you to just accept me after I...after I ignored _you_ when you needed me most."

Yuki stood up on trembling feet and hugged his brother as hard as he dared. "Nii-san. I love you."

Ayame's eyes widened, and then his face softened. He quickly held back the tears that had come to his eyes, Yuki could never see them. "Yuki, I love you too. You'll be okay." he assured him, hugging his brother back as hard as he could. "You've always known how to take care of yourself. You've always been in the dark. But Yuki..."

Yuki pulled back to look his brother in the face and waited for his brother to finish, his heart clenched painfully in his chest. This was his fault. He was sure of it. No matter what Ayame said, he knew it was.

Ayame lifted a hand and put it softly on Yuki's chest. "You don't have to stay in the dark forever."

And then the soft beep that had been monitoring his heart beat...stopped.

Yuki gasped and said, "Ayame? Ayame!"

When he didn't answer Yuki grabbed him by the shoulders and begin to shake him. "Ayame! Wake up! Please, wake up!"

Tears flooded down his face and he began to sob uncontrolably, throwing himself onto his brother's limp form, holding tight, as if trying to hold his soul inside his body.

"Don't leave me alone!" he sobbed, shaking so bad that he was afraid he was having a seizure. The door burst open and Kyo, Tohru, and Haru rushed in, doctors close behind them.

"Get out of the way!" One shouted at Yuki, and he backed up immediately. Tohru was sobbing just as hard as he was, and Kyo was staring in disbelief. Haru grabbed Yuki and pulled him against his chest, looking away from Ayame so that he wouldn't have to see it. Yuki sobbed into Haru's shoulder, holding onto him so tight it hurt, but Haru didn't say anything, only hugged him just as hard.

"Please, Ayame." Yuki choked out. "I can't survive without you."

But it was too late. He could hear the doctors trying as hard as they could. He could hear them failing. And then he couldn't hear anything.

Because the darkness had taken him once again.

**Next chapter is the last chapter for sure. For surely, sure. I have no idea what I'm gonna do with it, but I'll come up with something. **

**Yep, I killed Ayame. *Ducks as angry Ayame fans throw various objects***

**I'm sorry. I was in a tragic mood when I came up with the idea for this chapter.**

**Please R&R**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, to tell you the truth, I totally forgot this stories existence. But then I was getting ready to write a Tsubasa fanfic, but I clicked on my documents and saw this thing. I'm like, "Cuddly Bunny?" What's that? So I click on it and as its louding, I'm like, "Oh...shit." **

**So now, here's the last chapter.**

**And the reason this is called Cuddly Bunny on my docs is because I name all of my stories on my docs something ridicolous. Like one I have is called, "Stutter Nutter Butter Balls."**

* * *

Yuki looked in the mirror, staring at his reflection numbly. He looked so much like Ayame. He'd always tried to deny it before, but he couldn't anymore. Not today. Not as he stared right at his reflection and pictured his older brother.

Healthy and alive and full of energy.

Then how he'd looked as he'd died.

Weak, tired, and helpless.

There was a knock on his door. Yuki sighed, brushing his hands down his suit to get off any extra dirt. The door opened slowly and Tohru entered the room, wearing a black dress that one would normally not expect to see her in.

"Yuki-kun..." she said softly and he turned to look at her. "Are you ready?''

Yuki nodded without a word. He started to follow her out of the room when she stopped. "Yuki-kun, your tie is crooked."

Yuki looked down at his tie. So it was. Tohru reached over and worked on his tie, listening to Yuki's sad and lonely silence. It hurt her heart to see him in such a condition. There had always been a part of him that she knew was dark and empty, but ever since Ayame's death he had let that part show, never as happy as he once was.

"Yuki-kun." she said again, and Yuki looked down at her and said, "Yes, Honda-san?"

His eyes opened wide in suprise. Tear's streaked down Tohru's cheeks and she grabbed his hand and held it tight. "It, it's not your f-fault."

Yuki just looked at her, touched by her care, but not believing her nontheless. In his head, if he hadn't pulled away from Ayame, he wouldn't have have stumbled into the street, and Ayame wouldn't have had to protect. Wouldn't have had to lost his life.

'He should have just let me die." Yuki thought angirly. 'I desereved it.'

Atleast, Yuki had thought he had said it in his head. But when Tohru gasped, "No!" he realized he had said it outloud.

He pulled away from her then, not really caring if his tie was still crooked or not. He made his way past her and opened the door. He heard her call his name as he went, but kept going.

At the funeral, Yuki watched quitely as they lowered his older brother's coffin. He didn't cry. Not there. He was cried out anyway.

Tohru was standing there, trying to appear brave, and act like she wasn't crushed on the inside, but the water that slipped past her eyes and down her face wasn't too convincing. Yuki thought she was probably trying to be brave for Kisa, who was holding her hand tightly, her body shaking with the effort to hold back her own tears. Hiro stood on Kisa's other side, and Yuki saw him whisper something to her - _It's okay to cry_- and then she turned to him and buried her head into his shoulder, sobbing uncontrolably, and his arms went around her and he hugged her tightly.

Now that she no longer needed to be brave for Kisa's sake-Kisa was crying now anyway- Tohru let herself cry. Momiji, who was standing on her other side, grabbed her hand and squeezed tightly, staring ahead at Ayame's coffin respectfully and trying to comfort Tohru at the same time. Yuki even saw him smile at her, and for a moement he was angry. Smiling? Even though his brother was _dead_? But he understood a moment later. Momiji didn't have much to protect those around him. He wasn't physically strong enough, didn't know how to fight. The only thing he had to protect those he loved from pain and suffering was his smile. So he would continue to smile brightly, even if he too, was cying on the inside.

He felt Yuki's eyes on him and he looked up, meeting his stare. He smiled softly, a smile that said what everyone else had said. _'Its not your fault.'_

Kyo was standing closer to him, staring straight ahead, showing no emotion. Yuki couldn't tell if he was sad or not, couldn't tell how he was feeling, but he didn't expect it anyway.

Rin, Kagura, and Ristu were standing together, Ritsu sobbing on his knees with his normal bannter of, "It's all my fault!" Kagura was trying to convince him otherwise, stroking his hair softly, and Rin just watched them both.

Haru, who was standing ever loyally at Yuki's side, allowed only one or two tears, then brushed them away and stared ahead. Yuki had thought he would stand with Rin, but Rin didn't seem to mind, and Yuki suspected they had discussed this ahead of time, and he would probably mourn with her on their own later.

Kureno was standing next to Akito, who Yuki was trying his hardest to ignore. He too, looked indifferent, though Yuki didn't think he was as cold as he wanted others to believe.

Hatori was tall and lone, standing next to only Shigure. His expression was hard, but Yuki knew it was forced, Hatori was holding his pain in, trying to appear as ever brave and wise as he was, even as they lowered one of his best and most loved friends into the ground.

And Shigure. Looking at Shigure hurt Yuki the most. Shigure was standing, though Yuki didn't think he would for much longer at the force of which his body was shaking. His teeth were clenched together, but tears were sliding down his cheeks and onto the ground below, his face in absolute devastation. Once, his eyes came up from his best friend's coffin and they met Yuki's watching ones.

When they did, Yuki instantly looked away, not strong enough to hold his eyes. Of all those that he had hurt, Shigure was the one that he had hurt the most, ripped apart of his very soul away from him.

The priest spoke, the dirt from each family member was thrown in, and then it was over.

That night, Yuki lay awake in his bed. He knew that tonight he would get no sleep. Tohru had opened the door once and looked in, but Yuki had pretended to be asleep, and she'd stared at him for a few moments, then closed the door as she left.

But then a few minutes later, the door opened again. Yuki closed his eyes again.

"Open your eyes, rat. I know your awake."

Yuki's eyes opened in suprise.

"Kyo?"

Kyo stood in the doorway, staring at him. Yuki sat up in his bed and stared at him silently. They just stared for a few moments, neither saying anything, waiting for the other to speak, Yuki on his bed and Kyo in the doorway.

Finally Yuki said, "Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to come in?"

Kyo snorted, but stepped into the room, closing the door behind me. He kept the lights off, and took a seat next to Yuki. Yuki pulled back alittle, suprised, but waited for what he wanted to say anyway.

"Your worrying Tohru." Kyo explained, and Yuki looked at the floor.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't say it to me. Say it to her."

Then there was more silence. It was akward, and neither knew what to say.

Ayame...

Ayame.

Ayame.

It was all that was in his head, all that he could think of. His cold stare when they were young, his warm smile when they were older, his bounciness when he was with Hatori and Ayame, his funloving self when he was with the younger ones.

And the moment the car hit, and his death that followed after.

'My fault.'

"Listen." Kyo suddenly spoke up again, and his eyes were anywhere but at Yuki. "I know tons of people have already told you this, but..."

"It's not my fault." Yuki snapped harshly. He'd heard it enough times in the last few days then he'd ever heard it in his life.

Kyo nodded, ignoring his anger. "That's right. It's not."

Yuki felt his blood boiling in anger. What did Kyo now about it? He voiced his thought outloud.

"What would you know about it? I saw my bother die right in front of me. And I caused it."

Kyo opened his mouth to speak, but Yuki interrupted him before he could even start.

"He tried to hug me, I pulled away, I stumbled into the street, he blocked me from the car. And then he died."

Kyo looked at him for a second, then his face morphed into one of extreme anger. His hand suddenly grabbed a fistfull of Yuki's shirt and he pulled him in close to his face, yanking him harshly. Yuki tried to pry his hands away for a moment, then stopped at Kyo's expression.

"Listen, you damn rat." Kyo spit out, and Yuki put on his best poker face, the same as always. "Quit acting like your the only one who's ever been burt in this whole world. Quit acting like, "Oh, poor me. Pathetic me." Yeah, you've drawn one of the short straws in life, but your not the only one. So man up!"

Yuki looked into his flaming eyes and then looked away in silence.

"What would you know?" he repeated quietly, and suddenly he was slammed against the wall, Kyo pinning him there angirly. Yuki knew he could fight back if he wanted, but he didn't, just let him. Empty to the pain.

"What would I know? I would know that I knew a woman once! And I really cared about her! And I would know that..." he was silent for a moment, shaking in anger, maybe considering not finishing what he was going to say. But then he did. "I would know that she got hit by a car, right in front of me, and that I could have saved her if I'd only grabbed onto her and pulled her out of the way!"

Kyo yanked Yuki forward, then slammed him back again, Yuki's head cracking against the wall. "And she died! That's what I would know!"

Yuki's eyes were opened wide, and he stared at him in shock, not saying anything for a moment. Kyo had watched someone die? When? Who? Why hadn't he told anyone before this?

"K-Kyo..." he whispered, and Kyo dropped him, quiet.

"You...you had no choice. You would have...transformed."

"And she wouldn't have died."

Silence.

"How...do you...make it, through the day?" Yuki asked slowly, and Kyo tilted his head thoughtfully.

"I tell myself that if she died because of me, I have to live for her. So that's what you have to do for Ayame. You have to live for his sake, live the life he won't have."

Yuki had no idea when Kyo had become so complex, but he was extremely grateful for it right then. He never would have thought in a million years that the one who would be comforting him more then anyone, would be the one he thought hated him the most. He felt more tears come and he wiped them away quickly. He couldn't cry here. Not in front of Kyo.

Then he heard Kyo sigh, and suddenly he was pressed against Kyo's chest. Yuki was so suprised that his body twitched. Was he seriously being hugged? By KYO? Then he realized how hard this must of been on Kyo, so he wrapped his arms around him. He didn't mean to, but he realized he was hugging him rather tightly. He might have been hurting his orange-haired cousin, but at the moment, he didn't care.

"Thank you, Kyo." He said and Kyo grunted.

"I'm still gonna kick your ass."

Yuki chuckled and said. "I'd like to see you try."

Then the door opened. Tohru was on the other side. Kyo and Yuki pulled away from each other quickly, both of their faces red. At first Tohru looked very suprised, but then she only smiled sofly and came into the room, sitting next to Yuki and grabbing his hand.

"Yuki-kun." she said softly, and Yuki said, "Yes?"

"Let's pray to Ayame in heaven. Tell him goodbye."

Yuki nodded softly and Tohru clapsed both his hand in hers.

"Ayame-san, we miss you very much. And we love you. Now, please give Yuki-kun the strenth and guidance that he needs to move on."

And maybe Yuki was just tired from the lack of sleep and food, but he suddenly felt a warm feeling in his stomach. A strenth.

"Nii-san." he whispered, and Tohru let him take over. "I love you. I'm sorry things couldn't be the way you wanted them to be. That was my fault. But now, to make it up to you..." he looked over at Kyo, who blushed and looked at the wall. "I'll live for you."

Goodbye.

* * *

**The End**

**Okay, when did this suddenly become a yaoi between Yuki and Kyo? Sheesh. Naw, I just wanted someone unexpected to comfort Yuki. And that someone was Kyo! **

**If you rabid fangirls want to, go ahead and tell yourself it was yaoi. I myself tend to do that, alot. It could be taken either way, but I personally don't feel like it was yaoi.**

**Anyway, kinda a off topic ending. Not really focused on Ayame, more on Kyo and Yuki. But I still like it.**

**Thanks to all those who read it and tolerated my long gaps between posts, grammar mistakes, and unintentional yaoiness.**

**Love you all! See ya next time.**


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